Popeye Day

The other day I tweeted that I was having a “Popeye Day”.  Which means I felt like Popeye when he used to cry, “I am what I am, and that’s all that I am!” There are days when I would like to be other than I am, but no matter how hard I try, or wish it were otherwise – I am what I am and everybody, including me, had better get used to it.

In Hebrew the verb “to be” (aeie) has no real tense. So “I am what I am” could equally be interpreted as “I was what I was” and “I will be what I will be”.  This is a huge idea and one most accurate to human character, particularly my own and most especially on Popeye Days. To a large extent the things I struggle with now, I struggled with yesterday and there is little doubt that I will struggle with them tomorrow.

There are days when I just have to yield to myself, give up the struggle and accept that in fact, “I am what I am and that’s all that I am.”

That acceptance can be a tough blessing.

It is a triumph and a confession. It admits of a truth. I’ve earned my scars and deserve the damage.  I’ve also gained the wisdom born of pain and know that whatever else – I’ve endured. Then comes the simple realization; I haven’t reached my limit as I am still here. That is an important re-discovery. Those moments when despair was all that could be mustered have passed and the tide of suffering has gone out and left me washed up on the shore of this moment, reasonably intact.

I am what I am… neither perfect nor ruined. I like to think of myself as antiqued. My finish has been stressed but when looked at in the right light, it reads as character.

“I am what am…” takes a breath in the now and looks both forward and backward with an equal lack of enthusiasm. There is a simple “isness” to the moment and one, which holds the mirror up to my nature and musters a wee smile.  The same smile I believe God had when he allegedly talked to Moses from the burning bush. “I am what I am, Moses, tell everyone I am the great I am and they’d all better get used to it. I created a world I had to destroy once, and don’t think I won’t do that again.” 

As a man who has destroyed a few worlds of his own making, I can relate!

In a time when the bookstore and library shelves are lined with self help books essentially offering people the opportunity to help themselves not be themselves- I bellow the Popeye cry. “I am what I am and that’s all that I am” - for now. What I’ll be tomorrow is yet to be determined. Stay tuned!